How "EGO" can destroy even your best relationship.

Anyone who has read me knows that there is something I say over and over again (because it is so

important!): To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you’re already in it.
Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego. Here are 6 ways your ego can kill your relationship, and how to avoid having your ego ruin your relationship.

1.Resist The Temptation To Defend Yourself: Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into “defending yourself” mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself.
It also means that you’ve stopped listening to the other person.  If someone tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. 

2.To Love Yourself And Someone Else Completely You Must Separate The Ego: In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.
 
3.Your Ego Can Ruin Any Conversation: The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have if you let it. 
Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to them.
In order to really listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes your significant other has things that are really bothering them about which they want to talk to you, but which you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from really listening

So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing you to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship.

 

5 TINS YOU ALREADY DID WRONG BEFORE 8 A.M

You are not alone, of course. While no one excuses bad behavior like growling at a colleague at 3

p.m. for "not being an afternoon person," society has somehow accepted that it's okay to grunt, stumble and bitch our way through the start of every day. And so we do. What we don't realize is it's not just our bodies but our souls as well that need sustenance for a long day ahead, and just like a good breakfast can start the day off right, a good outlook at 6:30 a.m. can shape the way you get through to 6:30 p.m.

Here are five things you probably already did wrong this morning -- and five ways you can get every day off to a better start, including breaking up with your snooze button once and for all.

1. Don't predict the future. Stub your toe in the middle of the afternoon and you think, "ouch." But stub it at 7 a.m. and somehow it becomes an omen, a sign that this is going to be "one of those days." Talk about yourself-fulfilling prophesies.
   Instead, savor the present. Pick one thing to be grateful for that's unique to today. Maybe it's a beautiful morning. Maybe it's a cold miserable morning but you have a great new coat to wear. Maybe it's the person in bed next to you, or maybe it's the fact that you have the bed all to yourself. However you look at it, there is always something. It's up to you to find it.


2. Don't use a morning screw up as an excuse all day. You're in a hurry, haven't had breakfast and so you grab a handful of Oreos for the road. Then lunch rolls around and you let yourself have extra-large fries and a burger -- hey, you've already blown the diet.
   Instead, take control of your own reset button. Some mornings there will be Oreos and other things you could have done better. Recognize that the problem is not the cookies, it's you. Forgive yourself, then challenge yourself. I had Oreos for breakfast so I will take a long walk at lunch...


3. Don't wake up to your to-do list. Busy, successful people have a hard time letting go of their obligations. That's not a bad thing... once your day begins. No matter what kinds of things are on your to do list, to start stewing over them while flossing in the shower is to miss the shower itself, that little bit of luxury to which we treat ourselves each morning. So you don't enjoy your shower AND nothing on your to do list gets done.
   Instead, force yourself to think of at least one thing you get to do today. That's very different from have to do. This one thing is sure to give you pleasure and joy... a good hot shower counts, so does a hug from your child, a great song on your iPod to listen to on the way to work, and any number of small things you are lucky enough to get to experience. You still get to your to-do list, so don't worry.


4. Don't settle. Everyone has a few favorite outfits -- the suit that makes you feel like you belong in the C-Suite, the pants that make you look particularly skinny. When you are wearing these outfits the answer is always yes -- yes, I want to be president of the PTA, yes, I want to stop by that cocktail party after work. Then there are the "I'm not going to see anyone today, so I guess I'll wear these," shoes that you swear add 10 years to your look. Every time you put on an outfit you don't like you are telling yourself all the things you won't do today, all the possibilities that won't happen or the chances you won't take. And all that before you even go downstairs for coffee.
   Instead, edit and forget it. If you don't like it, get rid of it -- even if you have worn it in the last two years. Stick to fewer, better pieces that really work for you. If you wouldn't wear it to your high school reunion, you don't need to own it anymore.


5. And finally, back to the snooze button. For goodness sakes, cut it out. Every time you hit the snooze button you are not doing what it is you set out to do that morning, which is get out of bed at whatever time you set the alarm for. You are therefore failing, miserably, at your first task of the day. Those seven minutes of guilty, woozy, semi-sleep is just not worth the karmic hangover.
   Instead, set the alarm for the time you actually have to get up and do it. There, a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and you're still in your pajamas. And a final, bonus don't: Don't blame the bed. There is no wrong side to get up on, only wrong paths to go down.

 

4 STEPS AND YOU ARE OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.

More than 20% of persons who see this, will want to read. It's obvious that as words will make and break us, so will the internet make and destroy us. Not neglecting the fact that the computer was designed to make life easier for humans, it role in the great reduction of moral value cannot be over emphasized. And trust humans, they dint fail to help it achieve it's mission. I bet this is no news, but lets just call it an experiment

        Go to www.youtube.com etc. and do a search for "how to become a great public speaker", you will find clips having between 1-70,000 views. On the other hand, do a search for
Nollywood/Ghollywood/Hollywood romantic sex short films or precisely "greedy sex" etc..
 or " how to hack a Facebook password in 2 minutes" and you will find clips having over a million views, knowing these are clips which will add no value to our existence.
        Only if we as humans can utilize the internet searching for things that will add value to us and our environment, the world will be a better place. Lets create a change.

10 ANSWERS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE YOUR JOB INTERVIEW

Your Job Interview

With the competition keener than ever and the economy in a slump, you need to prepare for your job interview thoroughly. It’s no longer enough to offer a firm handshake to your interviewer, make eye contact, and nod pleasantly now and then. You need to prepare a dynamic application letter and resume. You need to research the company. And you need to present a confident image and develop the ability to answer tough questions on the spot.

Although no one can predict the questions your potential employer will ask, you can think about how you’d answer some of the commonly asked ones. Here are ten questions for you to consider and a few hints about how to answer them:

1. Tell me about yourself.
   Chances are the employer doesn’t want to know how much you weighed when you were born, when you learned to tie your shoes, or how much you had to drink last night. He or she wants to know how you would fit into the company and what your relevant job experience is. You might answer by asking the interviewer what he’d like to know. Or you might talk about your education, the fact that you’re a team player, or whatever you think might be important to this particular company.


2. Why should we hire you?
   Even though five people may be waiting outside, you need to sound confident, calm, and capable. Explain how your experience has prepared you for the job. Emphasize the qualities you think the employer is looking for, such as your outstanding work ethic or the fact that you’re a fast learner.


3. What is your worst characteristic?
   Some human resource specialists suggest that you make a virtue sound like a flaw. “I tend to be a perfectionist,” or, “Everyone says I work too hard.” But others say these answers have become clichés. Mention a minor flaw, such as, “I think I’m too outspoken at times, but I’m working on it.”


4. Where do you want to be five years from now?
   Let the interviewer know you’re looking for job stability and that you aren’t planning to use this job as a temporary stopping point in your quest for a better position. You
   could say, “I’d like to be employed in a small company like this one, where I can learn,
   contribute, and advance.”


5. Why did you leave your last job?
   Never put your former employer or your co-workers in a negative light. Don’t blame them for your departure. Give a positive reason, such as you left to take advantage of another opportunity that was better suited to your skills.


6. Tell me about a problem you had in your life and how you solved it.
   Be prepared with a short answer that shows you’re resourceful. “I really wanted to go to a private university, but my parents didn’t have the money. I went to a community college for two years, worked part time and saved my money so I could attend the last two years at the college of my choice.”


7. Have you had difficulties getting along with supervisors or co-workers?
   You’d have to be a saint to have had no problems with the people you worked with. You might answer, “Nothing major. I try to get along with everyone.”


8. How do you deal with stress on the job?
   The employer wants to know if you’re going to run out the door when things get stressful. Ask yourself if you thrive on working with deadlines or if you need creative time to function more effectively. Think about how you handle stress and be honest. “I focus on the work I’m doing,” or, “I make time to work out at the gym.”


9. What salary do you want for this job?
   Rather than stating a definite figure, tell the interviewer you’d expect to get somewhere in the standard range paid for this position.


10. Do you have questions for me?
    Always have a few questions. They show that you researched the company. Ask about a
    current issue the company is working on or how their recent layoff in another department
    affected company morale.

Remember-- the job interview is a two-way discovery process. By doing your homework and answering interview questions intelligently, you’re striving to prove you’re the person for the job On the other hand, you need to decide--sometimes in the midst of the questions---if the position you’re applying for is what you want to do and if the company is where you want to spend most of your time for the next few (at least) years.

PINKIE SWEAR???

Remember how when we were younger, we would bet on things and to make it more authentic, make it a pinkie swear  . Those were the days when we didn't have too many issues to contend with…though it did seem like we had a lot on our plates then! 

 How many of us would swear to do whatever it takes to be healthy, live as many years as possible in perfect health of mind and body? How many would swear to work out everyday knowing that even 30 mins of exercise everyday cuts our risk of a lot of diseases including cancer? How many would reduce their alcohol intake knowing that it reduces their chances of a lot of ailments? We could go on!

It is with these questions in mind that we turn to the disease represented by the colour pink…breast cancer. Angelina Jolie made headlines some couple of months back when she announced that she had a high risk of breast cancer and decided to take action to reduce her risk. This involved double mastectomy…which in simple everyday English means cutting off both her breasts!!! A small pause here for all that to sink in….

Note that she didn't have cancer, a lump, any change in breast size or contour to suggest that something funny was going on. She just had a gene that meant she was more at risk of having breast cancer than other people. So she decided to do something about it. This sounds like common sense and appears to even follow biblical injunctions to cut off any part of your body that causes you to sin, right? It sounds like everybody should know this…’in fact why make a big fuss about it; I’d do the same!’ But here’s the thing, a lot of us prefer to live in denial. We KNOW we have a family history of hypertension, but do we check our blood pressure always…NO. Some of us know we’ve undertaken some risky sex behaviour, do we screen for STIs and HIV…NO. After all, it’s better not to know, right? Wrong.

People, I’m about to utter some earth shattering mind bogging amazing news right now: Ignorance is not bliss! In fact it is the not-knowing that constitutes a problem and puts more people at risk. It is for this same reason that breast and other cancers that can be detected pretty early go undetected until the final stages when little or nothing can be done because people do not want to get screened, preferring not to know. This is sad!

There are pre-disposing factors for breast cancer. These factors are things, conditions or situations that affect your chances of getting breast cancer. However having even two of these risk factors does not necessarily mean that you will have cancer; in fact people with no risk factors have been known to have cancer. The point however is that if any of the risk factors are present, then one should be sure to reduce that risk by focusing on preventive strategies discussed here.
 
The risk factors for breast cancer include things that you don’t really have much control over like:
Your sex: women are more likely to have this disease than men.

Your age: the risk of this cancer increases with age.

Race or ethnicity: white women are more pre-disposed to breast cancer, but black people are more likely to die of the complications of breast cancer.

Your genes: about 5 to 10% of breast cancer cases are thought to be hereditary resulting from inherited defective genes. These cancers are found in even young women where they may affect both breasts.

Family history of breast cancer: if a member of your family has suffered from this disease, you have a higher risk of it.

Personal history of breast cancer: the risk of this disease increases if one has had this disease in the past. 

Women who have had a lot of menstrual cycles because their menstrual cycles started early and stopped later in life, around 55 years.

Previous radiation therapy to the chest also increases risk.

Other associations that have been made with breast cancer and increase the risk of having the disease include:

• Women who have had no children or had their first child after the age of 30 years(Oya,where are the single ladies in the house, its marriage tym!)
• Women using oral contraceptive pills
• Breast feeding has been found to be protective of breast cancer. So ladies, kindly breast feed those little ones.
• The use of alcohol has been very clearly linked to an increased risk of breast cancer. Follow the daily limits that we have advised on previous posts. 
• Being overweight or obese after menopause increases the risk
• Lack of physical activity has also been incriminated. 

So, do you give your word today to do something about these risk factors if they are under your control, pinkie swear? Or are you going to keep hiding your head in the sand? It doesn’t mean danger is not lurking round the corner, it just means you don’t know when it hits you over the head with a big bang.

Do a self breast exam every day…it’s not too much. There are multiple online materials that teach you exactly how to do this. If you feel a lump, nodule, swelling…anything you’re uncomfortable about, see your doctor. Better safe than sorry. Look at yourself in the mirror, naked. You know what your breasts normally look like; if they change shape, colour, contour or your nipples start to look different or give strange discharges, see a doctor…today and not tomorrow. Once you hit 40, get a mammogram done once every two years (some authorities say from age 50. Ask your doctor what works for you based on your risk profile). And if you can afford it, get gene tested for breast cancer. You just might be buying more time and improving the quality of that time you have to spend with a family that loves you to bits.

Be healthy, people!

Here’s to a healthier you!